The day I asked myself ‘Who am I?’ for the first time.

Who am I?’ is the biggest question among all. This is a question which is personal to everyone. Everyone can work on this question and if , by divine grace or through sheer hard work and diligence anyone happens to find the answer to this question, I believe s/he would have found an answer to all other questions. You may read tons of crap written around this single question but it won’t help at all if you don’t allow the silence to jump in and show its magic.

Many people spend time on finding the source of their ego. They have been looking for the source of ‘I – I within’. They wonder ‘where exactly is the bell ringing in their minds.. How they feel the touch sense… Where they have been feeling the pain… .’ Then, there are people, who wonder ‘Where did I come from?’, ‘Where am I going’, ‘What is my purpose of life?’ and others who have little different questions mounting up in their heads such as ‘Am I being controlled by something? Am I just like a computer program, embedded in the DNA? etc etc.

When I was about 12 years old, I used to go to a village High school about five kilometres away from my home. Every day, I and few other students would run madly from school after the classes were over. Every day, I was so happy on my return back home that I ran continuously for two to three kilometres, until my lungs gave up. On our way, we climbed down a small hill, crossed two water streams and snatched fruits from trees in an orchard if possible. One fine day, I just stopped in the middle of my runway on hilly terrain. I was just about a kilometre away from school. I was shocked to have an alien feeling when I crossed the first water stream and stopped to wait for others to come and catch me up. Silently, I was asking myself – “Who am I? What am I?” I looked at my body, even touched my hands and ran my fingers over my arms to feel myself. Still the feeling of being out of my body prevailed. In a few seconds, without any known external agent, the question ‘Who am I?’ became very important for me and I started thinking about it! Slowly I realized that there were several other questions that I were very OBVIOUS but I had never thought about them. However, the question ‘Who am I?’ was greatest of all. For next several days, I went through a similar mental state when I passed through that place. May be because I was reminded of that strong feeling or may be the place in itself had something mysterious about it. It will be useless to drill down such facts that will have no basis to prove or disprove them. However, those few moments contributed to shape up my character in next few years. Those few moments had a deep effect on my consciousness.

I don’t remember any other instance in next 11-12 years when I had such a strong realization of the most fundamental question that still continues to elude me. Although, it is deeply satisfying even to deliberate on it. The day, it happened so abruptly, without my knowledge, I couldn’t enjoy the moment. Now, I feel blissful when this question occupies my head! Such is the magic of this great question. Answers, which come and go, with lessons learnt, doubts cleared and fears smashed – are equally great.